New Experiences

     I felt it to be of most importance that I took the time to sit down and actually write about the things in my life. It has been a while since I have done this, for many reasons that this is so. I haven't had the desire or passion to actually sit down and write about my feelings. I haven't had a muse come and sit on my shoulder to whisper in my ear that which I need to hear in order to produce work that I feel is at level. I think maybe it is the onset of school that is prompting this emotion from me. I'm not longer in my mother house for the time being; I think that might have been yet another reason for my not writing and for me not embracing more of myself. It is just a distraction to be around family when you are a student, at least to me. There is so much that you have to worry about that has absolutely nothing to do with school so that idea is pushed further and further behind and almost forgot about.

     I went to my first little meet and greet for my job on campus today. I believe that everything happens for a reason, but something's seem to be more of a blessing than others. I think this job is one of them! Their whole concept is about awareness on many levels. That much I wasn't expecting from the job that I have, but it is definitely a pleasant surprise. We had to get in groups and speak about different forms of awareness: Age, Race, Gender, Sexual Orientation, Social Economics, etc...We spoke about ourself and how much we were in the know about those things and how we plan on broadening the aforementioned. I believe if everyone is as they have shown this year should be a great one, well on the terms of my job.

     I'm completely moved in at the apartment on school and I have to say that it seems like my room mates are going to be on that chill tip. Something that I can SURELY work with!! It is very comfortable and I have no complaints about it well other than the fact that there is no ac -lowers head.- I'm currently at this social thing and I think I came rather late, but all who know me best know that I'm a bit of a night owl and I will most likely go to various parts of the campus before I return home. It is something about the night: calm, enigmatic and chilling. It really does something to me. I could sit and watch the moon and stars and bask in the comfort of the pitch black...hmmm

Thoughts

I've just finished reading the Birmingham letter written by Martin L. King jr. during his incarceration for being an "extremist." This letter has put me in an awkward position; I'm rather ignorant and that hurts me. Where this ignorance came from hurts me even more. However I can not place the blame solely on anything, for I have the know how and where with all to go to a public library and read up on my history, my people, me legacy.

I sit by and I ignore what is prevalent, I ignore what is real. It is masterfully hidden in the disguise of equality. While there has been a dramatic "public" step towards the dream of my past brother MLK, within the hearts and souls of many it still sounds clearly. It refers to racism, bigotry, and injustice, something that I blindly look over more so ignore with nonviolence and replaced with a smile of warmth, a disposition of content and a spirit of acceptance and in that respect I am paying homage to a great man and to the strength and perseverance of my people. On the same token I am disregarding all that has happen, all that is happening and treating my past as if it didn't exist or that it as something to be ashamed of.

It isn't as if it has been hundreds and hundreds of years that this injustice of the highest kind took place, but it is on the backs of my mothers and grand mothers, my fathers and grandfathers. I love everyone and treat them equally, but it is hard to imagine what I and many of my other brothers and sisters go through. I've heard many white people say "Why am I being blamed for what happened in the past." I'm sure they forgot that the past is more recent than they are giving and far more damaging, but my response to that statement is that it is the same reason my people today are being treated. We all have our weeds, but why only acknowledge the few weeds when within its presence lives a fervent garden filled with beautiful flowers, grandiose trees, and luscious fruits.

I feel this bare's repeating I love all people, but my disrespect for my past and my elders has shown it's face and I am displeased by it. It is unfitting of a people to not respect, honor his/her legacy; without knowledge of where you've been you will never understand who you are and where you are going.

My complacency with all of this has ceased and I believe I am stronger because of it.

My Curse

just to be, just to exist

Why am I amiss

I think I know, I think I'm in

What is true and above all real

Time and time growing harder to deal

Take a step, make it strong

Why is everything all wrong

What's the matter; what's the flaw

I'm sucking air through a straw

Around me, circled by life

Here I sit consumed with strife

Currently Listening Natalie Dessay - French Opera Arias All see related

Standards

Something I like